These offerings are from a book called “Disorder in the Court.” They are word-for-word, taken down and published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, very close to your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.
Could this last comment be a reference to Canadian lawyer, Jim Heller? I recon it could. :-))
Some aspects of Australian society are arse-about-face. For example, the conservatives call themselves the Liberal Party, but their is nothing ‘liberal’ about their philosophy. I call them the LIEberals. They pretend that ‘Trickle Down’ economics actually works. Prime minister Turnbull has a “plan” to trickle down “jobs and growth.”
The plan involves giving $50 billion of tax payers money to corporations and banks. Much of it will end up in the bank accounts of foreign investors. At best, it is forecast to deliver 1% growth and very few jobs. The $50 billion tax giveaway will have to be funded by cuts in government spending and sales of assets such as Medicare. Turnbull claims that Medicare will never be sold. He’s lying!
The July 2016 election is over and the LIEberal have been returned to government with a volatile senate and a lower house majority of only one. The senate will probably block many of the Lieberal’s most damaging initiatives.
Australia’s geographical isolation could be the nation’s greatest advantage. U.S. Doco film maker, Michael Moore, predicts that Donald Trump – “This wretched, ignorant, dangerous part-time clown and full-time sociopath is going to be our next (US) president.” Let’s hope that distance gives Australia some degree of protection.